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Episode 4: The Pee Tape

The New Adventures of Justin T. Fairchild, Social Justice Warrior

I walked into my home office and saw the external hard drive on my desk, where it had sat for the better part of two weeks. The hard drive had one file on it: a video that showed Donald Trump engaged in urine-soaked relations with four Russian prostitutes. It was the most powerful weapon that progressives had to dismantle the Trump regime, and I had no idea what to do with it.

Oh, sure, I could have posted it on Facebook. In retrospect, that may have been the smart thing to do. The only problem with that was that it would be posted under my name, and that was the last thing that I wanted. Because of the role that I played in the 2016 primaries, I had been warned by progressive elements in the FBI not to take a visible role in the resistance. Posting the pee tape to social media would be about as visible as such things get. My family and I would immediately become a target for incandescent white supremacist rage. I couldn’t let that happen.

Roseanne’s Big League Co-Star Brings Ratings Bonanza

Finding a positively-spun conservative character on the boob tube can be as challenging as finding a Blue Dog Democrat

In the film Sideways, when Miles goes into the home of the easy waitress to reclaim Jack’s wallet, he hears muffled noises coming from the bedroom. The unsavory couple from the wrong side of the tracks are having sex on the bed, and their television set is on. Onscreen are Bush and Rumsfeld. In Little Miss Sunshine, while Dwyane and Frank wait in the lobby for the beauty pageant to start, President Bush is on the television. Frank (Steve Carell) switches the set off with a look of perturbation, as if viewing it was just another brick in the wall of their unfulfilled lives. In I, Tonya, in a scene set in the either the disreputable Jeff Gillooly or the deranged Shawn Eckhardt’s paneled basement (I can’t remember which), a Reagan poster is seen, and zoomed in on.

The entertainment landscape is rife with examples like this. This is Hollywood’s relentless message about conservatives: they are the bad people, the low-class people, the evil people that more evolved types must endure and hopefully overcome. Don’t get me wrong — I loved all three of those films…