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Curtis Edmonds

Curtis Edmonds is a novelist (Rain on Your Wedding Day and Wreathed), children's book author (If My Name Was Amanda) and part-time barbecue chef. He is the criminal mastermind behind the intermittent but socially-conscious Justin Trudeau-Fairchild serial on Liberty Island, which has been (somewhat unwisely) collected in Kindle format as Snowflake's Chance. He was a frequent contributor to McSweeney's Internet Tendency until they turned into Mother Jones with a laugh track. He has unhealthy attachments to fiscal conservatism, the Super Bowl hopes of the Dallas Cowboys, and other lost causes.

‘And once Hillary wins the Presidency, all of this will be irrelevant.’

Pick up Curtis Edmonds’ super smart satire of the 2016 election!

Read Snowflake’s Chance: The 2016 Campaign Diary of Justin T. Fairchild, Social Justice Warrior, now available on Amazon for $2.99.

The Higher Loyalty

The New Adventures of Justin T. Fairchild, Social Justice Warrior: Episode 5

I had lost the only remaining copy of the pee tape, the one thing that could bring down the Trump regime, but other than that my trip to Los Angeles wasn’t entirely wasted. My wife got to take Richie and his grandmother to see Mickey Mouse, and said grandmother bought Richie a whole wardrobe of Disney-themed outfits. I was less-than-thrilled about this, and said so, not wanting my only son to become a walking (well, crawling) billboard for a capitalist entity with a hundred and fifty billion-dollar market cap. But every objection that I made — on the grounds of anti-capitalism, anti-environmentalism, and occasionally, just good plain common taste, were drowned out by either my wife or my mother-in-law telling me how cute little Richie would look in said outfit. In other words, I was outvoted, and that’s a difficult thing for a Trotskyite to bear with grace.

Episode 4: The Pee Tape

The New Adventures of Justin T. Fairchild, Social Justice Warrior

I walked into my home office and saw the external hard drive on my desk, where it had sat for the better part of two weeks. The hard drive had one file on it: a video that showed Donald Trump engaged in urine-soaked relations with four Russian prostitutes. It was the most powerful weapon that progressives had to dismantle the Trump regime, and I had no idea what to do with it.

Oh, sure, I could have posted it on Facebook. In retrospect, that may have been the smart thing to do. The only problem with that was that it would be posted under my name, and that was the last thing that I wanted. Because of the role that I played in the 2016 primaries, I had been warned by progressive elements in the FBI not to take a visible role in the resistance. Posting the pee tape to social media would be about as visible as such things get. My family and I would immediately become a target for incandescent white supremacist rage. I couldn’t let that happen.

Episode 3: The Russian Collusion

The New Adventures of Justin T. Fairchild, Social Justice Warrior

March 2017: “If you were Merrick Garland,” I asked Emma, “would you rather have a fruit basket or flowers?”

“I’d rather have a pint of ice cream,” she said. “Or a bottle of bourbon.”

Trump (I refuse to say the word president in the same sentence with his name) had just nominated Neal Gorsuch to the Supreme Court, ignoring President Obama’s wise counsel to appoint Merrick Garland to that post. The Republicans had successfully managed to hijack the Court, leaving democracy in serious peril.

Episode 2: The Play Date

The New Adventures of Justin T. Fairchild, Social Justice Warrior

February 2017: “I’m worried about Richie,” I said. “Why is that?” Emma asked. “Well, just look,” I said.

Richie’s first Christmas had been a contentious affair. We had told everyone when he was born that we were only going to have white unbleached wooden toys for him to play with. This announcement was met with a fair degree of completely unmerited scorn by everyone else in both of our families. The one grandparent who came closest to compliance was my mother, who gave Richie a set of wooden blocks with Cyrillic characters, and a onesie with Che Guevara’s face, which I appreciated but had not actually been brave enough to have him go out and wear in public.

The New Adventures of Justin T. Fairchild, Social Justice Warrior: Episode 1, The Secret Society

The ongoing series returns!

January 2017: It was six weeks after the 2016 election, and I was sitting with my seven-month-old son Richie in our house in Bristol, New Jersey. I had more cause for mourning than other progressives. Not only had our standard-bearer, Secretary Hillary Rodham Clinton, lost the Electoral College to the most unqualified candidate in American history (despite winning the popular vote), but I lost my race for the 13th Congressional District of New Jersey to the incumbent.

If you enjoy the ongoing adventures of Justin T. Fairchild, Social Justice Warrior, be sure to check out the new Liberty Island e-book featuring America’s favorite Constitutional Trotskyite. SNOWFLAKE’S CHANCE: THE 2016 CAMPAIGN DIARY OF JUSTIN T. FAIRCHILD, SOCIAL JUSTICE WARRIOR is available for download at Amazon.

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