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THE SUPER-TOP-SECRET, EXTRA-PERSONAL CAMPAIGN DIARY OF HILLARY RODHAM CLINTON

Entry #101 Dear Diary, Another milestone! Menopause, first day of Year 19. Sigh. Nonsense in Politico this morning: It says some of my friends don’t want me to run. Who, friends who don’t want to be friends when I win? Puh-leeze! This is a lock. If only I had the press on my side! Ha! Ha! (Hashtag snark. Is that how you write it?) "To Do When I Am President" List: Why do we still make staples out of metal? Surely we are running out of that. Everyone must fold […]

The Ballad of Band of Love

“My first response to any musician is, ‘I don’t wanna hear about your politics. I don’t care about your politics’,” says Nathan Harden. “A lot of us, the last thing we want to hear when a musician starts to speak is a political statement consolidated into a three-and-a-half minute song. “The idea of conservative music doesn’t sound appealing to me, or anyone,” Harden adds, breaking into a laugh. “It sounds boring, right?” Those are unusual statements, perhaps, only to those who don’t know Harden or his day job. A 2009 […]

Rockin’ the Right

Author’s Note: "On the money." That’s what Pete Townshend of The Who said nearly eight years ago when a reporter asked him to comment on National Review’s choice of "Won’t Get Fooled Again" as the greatest conservative rock song. "When people say ‘Won’t Get Fooled Again’ is not about rebellion, it’s the exact opposite of that, I say they’re right," he told the Philadelphia Inquirer. Then he added that he never bought into "all that hippie [expletive] I so despise." I’ve possibly never had more fun in journalism than I […]

That In Those Times We Will Remember

"Gentlemen, I’d like to draw your attention to this outline of the continental United States," the old Marine began, as he put the first transparency on the overhead projector. "And this, gentlemen, is an outline of the island of Cuba drawn to the same scale," he added, superimposing a second overlay onto the first. "As you can see, it is over 800 miles long and would run from New York City to Chicago." He paused for effect, and then put on a third overlay. "Can you all see this little […]

Point Man

1944–Italy Crack! Before the echoes of the rifle shot died, all seven of us dropped and merged with the rocks on the dusty Italian hill. We were on the inside of a long, climbing curve and I was on the high side of the trail, up against the bank. That’s why I couldn’t see shit over the sights of my Browning Automatic Rifle–my BAR. It was a real bitch hauling those sixteen pounds up and down these hills, but the firepower–it was a light machine gun in all but name–was […]

Abuela’s Healthy Porridge

Ernesto and Herve laughed and held hands on the way to the house ofthe kind old woman they called "Abuela" or "Granny." Today thegrowing darkness from the North seemed far away. Today was made forcelebrating with whole grains and organic fruits. Today they had noconcerns but to enjoy being young, Sandinista and gay. Granny met them at the door stirring her famous lentil and quinoaporridge. "Sit and eat!" The table had bowls of raw cabbage withcarrots, turnip and beet slices the way the boys liked them. "You will never be […]

The Good Hood Fairy

LaQuisha knocked softly before walking into her sixteen year old daughter’s room. It was beautifully decorated with a canopy bed, white furniture and two-toned peach walls with decorative chair rails and crown molding. It was the bedroom girls dream about. The ceiling fan was set to low, and it threw a spinning shadow around the room. "Rudy? Are you okay? Rudy nodded but said nothing. "Come on now, you can tell your Momma." Rudy sat quietly for a moment and then said, "Why don’t boys like me?" Oh, there it […]

John Henry Goes to Washington DC

INTERIOR BEDROOM – NIGHT Granddaughter is tucked in, Grandfather sitting on edge of bed as he reads from a book the story of John Henry. GRANDFATHER (CONTINUING) …and the steam drill could do the work of ten men. And all the men lost their jobs and went home, but big John Henry didn’t stay home. He came into town the very next day. GRANDDAUGHTER Did Big John fight the steam drill? GRANDFATHER No he didn’t. He marched right up to the government and asked for unemployment. And you know what? […]

Hillary Steinem: Kid Community Organizer and DetectiveA Special Detective Story About Good Eating and Good Health!

Hillary was helping her friend Makayla with her homework. "So Makayla, if you had twenty apples and I took eight apples, they want to know how many apples you’d have left. What do you think, Makayla?" "I think we both sure like apples!" Hillary laughed, "Ha, ha! We sure do! After all, studies show apples help your heart and reduce the chances for many kinds of cancer. But back to the math!" Knock, knock! There was a knock on the club house door. Hillary and Makayla were studying in the […]

Deadline 70 AD

CHAPTER TWO An odd offer _________ Three weeks later, John had a seat in a row to himself on a westbound American Airlines red-eye flight, en route to Los Angeles, and a spare bedroom waiting for him in Eric’s new apartment. As the plane reached cruising altitude at around 36,000 feet, John removed the weird watch from his pocket to study its odd features for the umpteenth time since he’d first acquired it. It had the hands of a regular watch, but only in a small circle embedded in one […]