Since about 9 p.m. on November 4, 2012, the husband has been working on an exit strategy for November 5, 2016, should our nation formally and finally extricate her former splendor for status as an inconsequential nation. But after seeing where his "exit strategy" plan was headed (impending death via bush militia), I concocted my own rather opposite plan "C".

My husband’s plan "B" (B like bug-out) goes something like this…his cousin owns property on the Indian Ocean after marrying into Tanzanian society a few years back. Given his background as an Army Ranger and current role of as regional manager for a large corporation with expenditures the size of the Tanzanian GDP, my husband could be a shoe-in for Minister of Security. Along with a snazzy title, the post would provide extensive comforts and protection. That is, until a coup happens.
If the political regime relation is outed then guess who gets a truck full of armed mercenaries on her doorstep looking to wipe out the entire family? Yep. Me. Because the major problem with residing in Africa is that life there is cheap. Dirt cheap. All is fun and games until you’re playing for the wrong team.
The alternative plan offers an ever-changing view, movable quarters, unlimited free seafood, and nutritious seaweed smoothies for breakfast each morning inside the galley of a steel-hull decommissioned tugboat…A vessel sturdy enough to sail the seven seas, or at least the seas that have less Muslims looking to drown an unsuspecting Christian.
While scoping out potential seaworthy digs appropriate for a family of six, two weimeraners, and ten chickens, I came across this rather amusing description for a 72′ tugboat:
What do Captain Kirk, Popeye, Captain Hook and Tommy Lee have in common? They are all incredible people. Why? Because they were all in command of ships. You should be in command of a ship. You should buy my friend’s steel 72′ diesel tugboat."
I can offer you the opportunity to be in command of this fully-furnished historic vessel floating in paradise for less than the cost of that efficiency you bought or are thinking of buying after spending three weeks researching it online. You should be ashamed of that condo you spent (or are thinking about spending) your hard earned cash money and time on – especially since it cannot even move. It will not take you across oceans and it will not get you a Goombay Punch in Bullocks Harbour. Not even close muchacho.

I understand you have many options on how to spend your free time. How one chooses to recreate and habitate says a lot about a human being. What I am offering you is the open Atlantic Ocean, fishing, going to islands, breathing salty air at sea, maintaining a diesel engine, drinking rum, drinking grog, drinking cheap beer, drinking expensive beer, drinking the dead sea monkeys floating in the drink that your friend backwashed into, spearfishing anything that moves, endless supply of fish to make into tacos, trapping crabs, getting crabs, a waterfront kitchen, the ability to tow an even larger vessel, the ability to bbq a t-bone steak while motoring across the Gulf Stream at 7 knots, the chance to see whales, the opportunity to catch a square grouper. These are fine things. These are gentlemanly things. They certainly beat sitting in car traffic past a bunch of strip malls in Hialeah or driving a boat in circles in the STD filled cesspool commonly referred to as the Intracoastal or any other Florida waterway. This yacht travels as fast as your Bentley on I-95 in traffic. And you spent over $230k.

Boat Includes
— 7′ propeller.
— Detroit Diesel engine with 175 hours (practically new).
— All furnishings, including clothes washer, couches, TVs, broken-in beds.
— 140 ton steel hull.
— Reverse osmosis system.
— The book Boating for Dummies (You must have an IQ of at least 30 to learn how to drive a boat).
— A bunch of life vests.

The tug is probably too small for us, but recent correspondence with a certain Dave via email made me think that perhaps this boat may suit his more easily accommodated family of three. The only problem with this vessel is you may have to pimp out your purebred dog and fish full-time to pay for diesel…this baby burns over a gallon per mile. But still a reasonable trade off for unadulterated freedom.
This one is my all-time favorite. Perfect for a smaller family:
A little bigger tug, perhaps for a family of four:
Tugs come in steel, wood, fiberglass and composite hull styles. I’d prefer steel after being forced to watch Jaws on Betamax too many times as a child by my aunt Darlene. Consequently, Aunt Darlene also accidentally introduced me to full frontal male nudity in the movie The Piano. She played back the canoodling sequence three times before realizing that I was sitting there, shocked, and exceedingly naive at aged fifteen. To this day I cannot watch a Harvey Keitel movie sans nausea.

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