Batman. He’s the epitome of man… dressed in a bat suit. If Leonardo da Vinci were around today (and not a ninja turtle), his drawing of the ideal man would not be some naked dude with too many arms and legs, but instead would be a guy sulking in the shadows ready to throw a bat-shaped boomerang. Because Batman is everything anyone would want to be. He’s supremely physically fit and knows every martial art but is also a genius scientist and the world’s greatest detective not portrayed by Benedict Cumberbatch.

Also, Batman disproves all the complaining people do about the "evil" 1%. Despite all the class-warfare rhetoric, people are ready to cheer on a billionaire running around at night punching poor people because — in our gut — it just seems right.

And Batman has the greatest super power of all: ultra-preparedness. If locked in a safe and thrown in the ocean, he has a blowtorch and rebreather in his utility belt. If he wakes up on an alien world, he already has some universal language based on prime numbers ready to go. And if he’s going to be portrayed by Ben Affleck in an upcoming movie… well, I don’t know his solution to that, but I’m sure he already thought of the possibility and has something planned. And it’s because of this preparedness you know that in any matchup — whether it’s Batman versus Superman, Batman versus a black hole, or Batman versus childhood obesity — the winner will be Batman.

Now, some may ask: Could Batman create a trap that he himself could not escape from? Shut up; don’t try and disprove Batman. And it’s silly people were questioning the Dark Knight Rises, wondering how near the end Batman could so quickly get from his overseas prison to Gotham, get into the completely sealed off city without anyone noticing, and do all this with enough time left over to set up a giant flaming bat logo on a building. Well, there’s a simple explanation to all of this:

He’s Batman.

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