Each spring, I wait for the tree pollen to finish up its annual pollution and then open up the windows and dust off the winter stench that had invaded my home for the past few months. Then I dust off the lawnmower in preparation of four (or five or so) months of beheading dandelions. The bees come out and start buzzing around the back door, having mid-air collisions with the red wasps and yellow jackets. Whiffle bats are great for those critters. Nailing one of those pests in mid-air has a certain sound and feel to it that I imagine is only surpassed by that of a clean, ‘sweet-spot’ home run stroke. Anyway.The lizards are everywhere, and then the feral cats start skulking around the periphery, taunting my dogs or having late-night fights in the woods beyond, complete with some of the absolute worst noises ever imagined. But at least all that stuff stays outside.

For one military veteran, ‘Spring Cleaning’ has taken on a new meaning. Here’s the basic story: an active duty military member deploys to Afghanistan and has a friend looking after his house while he’s gone. Friend enlists the help of some degenerates to fix the place up. When the work (if any was even done) is finished, said degenerates promptly move into the house, claim it like a dog does a bush, and then stay there, drinking water from buckets because you can’t get the city water turned on without a lease. The owner of the home says the squatters don’t have permission to stay and wants them out. However, the home owner is in Hawaii now. Not exactly a short drive to check on the house.

Luckily, it looks like the squatters are moving out, and with the help of some veteran’s groups. This news will probably come as a huge relief for the home owner.

Aside from being a philanthropic house-sitter, this Ortiz fella is apparently also a pit-bull connoisseur with a long rap sheet(shocker) who wears Bob Marley shirts of vibrant colors, no doubt intended to really bring out his eyes and make those neck and face tats ‘pop’ with Lady-Gagaesque gusto. Who wouldn’t want such an upstanding, trustworthycitizen guarding their personal wares?

Anyway, it looks like this situation is working out for the best now, so that’s the main point. And I’ll stop complaining about all the flying, stinging insects at my house.

At least for now.

0 0 votes
Article Rating