“Uh good gentle being of
indeterminate sex, race, creed, color, orientation; how may I the
Secretary General of United Nations of Earth help you?”

The giant flat screen TV in the office
overlooking Turtle Bay remains a steady mauve color with just
occasional sine waves of purple. The Secretary General of the UN
plus her senior staff sit on the edge of their seats, their cups of
beverage hanging forgotten in their hands as they wait.

From the speakers comes a synthesized
voice lacking gender or accent, like that from a bad science fiction
movie. “Why haven’t you contacted us?”

The Secretary General, her voice
quavering, finally answers. “Contacted you? I don’t understand.”

The artificial voice sounds a bit
peeved. “What don’t you understand? We watched as you landed on
your satellite. Knowing in due time that curiosity for knowledge we
imparted to you would lead you to find the artifact.”

She abruptly sits down in her ten
thousand dollar chair and says in shock. “Imparted?”

“Yes. The potential for intelligence
is vanishingly small in the galaxy so we like to encourage it when we
find it.”

That is when the Under-Secretary for
Development in Third World countries, who happens to be from Bolivia,
jumps to his feet and starts screaming at the screen while wagging a
finger. “So all the crushing economic problems we have suffered,
all the oppressions, all the bloodshed were caused by your meddling!
How do you plan to redress these gross forms of abuse, we demand you
provide us with an answer!”

Everyone in the palatial room freezes
and stares at their colleague as the silence stretches. Finally
there is a swirl of blue on the screen to go with the mauve.

“So you want an answer? Fine.”

And the Earth explodes.