Harsh new sanctions were alluded to at a White House Press Conference. The State Department says these potential sanctions may be a direct response to the tense situation created by Russia's President Vladimir Putin's massing of troops near a Ukrainian boarder, Mrs. Eketerina Kurylenko.

Mrs. Kurylenko's third floor flat has a magnificent and unobstructed view of traditionally Russian-held territory, particularly of the revered Tree of Comradery when the sun's rays are no longer obstructed by the Crag of Solitude on June 15th. Putin has said this is "intolerable" except that he said it in Russian, however we lack the proper fonts to reflect that.

The sanctions very well could include possible immediate cessation of gluten-free Russian tea cakes at White House fundraisers designed to fatten the already obese mid-term election war chest. Press Secretary Jay Carney did admit, under moderate grilling from a Food Channel reporter with a fine array of seasonings the President is known to favor, that the First Lady was not troubled by an obese mid-term war chest, per se, however, she found the withdrawal of gluten-free tea cakes disconcerting since many of their most reliable donors are gluten intolerant.

There has been no word of Moscow's reaction to the possibility of maybe facing sanctions. But Carney could not definitively rule out they had not received a response from the Kremlin. Unfortunately, the White House translator had left earlier in the day to pick up some humus and pita chips for the traditional Cinco De Mayo party later in the evening and anything coming in over the wireless sounded like just so much "jibber, jabber."

Carney narrowly averted an awkward situation when 9-year-old ace reporter Little Bobby Billingsley of KATN (Kids Action Team Now), speculated that the real crisis involved Russian troops massing on "the border," not "a boarder." Carney deftly diffused the question, saying, "Hey kid, don't make me give you a time out."