Dear Diary,

Ah, memory! So this week some right-wing asshat found my old letters from Saul Alinsky. Thank Goddess we burned all the good ones. The early years were like a dream, filled with a joy much like my feelings when the U.S. lost Vietnam. I remember the lazy Upper West Side afternoons we made love on a pile of remaindered copies of Reveille for Radicals, and the evening he showed me that "human bondage" is more than a quote from Spinoza. (My safe word was "Nixon.") Strike a blow for social justice! I shouted, and by social justice I meant my ass. Sigh. Those were the days.

The first thing I learned from Saul is that when it comes to amorous old men, you have to be patient. (Here's a hint: Bring a book! #eyeroll) But Saul taught me so much more: that we must immanentize the eschaton; that the realization of Schopenhauer's fears is the triumph of the proletariat; and that if a man's been quiet in the bathroom for more than five minutes, you better knock before you walk in.

But this education wasn't a one-way street. I was the source of many of Saul's best ideas. Example: Rules for Radicals, Rule #5: Ridicule is the most potent weapon. This came from an evening we spent in bed with a ruler. A tough lesson for Saulie, I know, but he was--I was--suffering for the people!

Sure, we had our disagreements. While we both understood that the personal is political, there was no way I was going to wear an LBJ mask while he shouted "Hey hey! Ho ho!" during our intimacy. Also, his persistent curiosity about Goldwater was a mystery until he told me he meant two words.

I believe our dialogue led directly to the forward-thinking approach of Democratic intellectuals today. For instance, while I once believed that a dispassionate investigation of opposing arguments is the most fruitful path to civil consensus, Saulie said we should just spread around pictures of the other guy cramming a corndog. (This language is included verbatim in the charter over at Brookings.)

He wanted me to write his final volume, Real Rules for Radicals. The ideas were few and nascent, but I recall some:

Rule #1: Help the homeless, but sleep at the Holiday Inn.

Rule #2: Truth is like a shirt: If it gets old, you can always toss it out for a new one.

Rule #3: Make sure at least one member of your group is a trust-fund baby.

Rule #4: One set of rules for us, another for everybody else.

Rule #5: Civil discourse is for suckers.

Lots of wisdom in that old man.

Radically yours,

Hillary

The Super-Top-Secret, Extra-Personal Campaign Diary of Hillary Rodham Clinton is stolen each week by Lari Vine, the nom de guerre of an obscure playwright and screenwriter living in Washington DC. This diary is made possible by a grant from Vice President Joe Biden, who wants you to know that he thinks you women and Jews are just as good as regular people.