Long ago in a faraway land lived an emperor named Obama. He was the greatest emperor the people had ever known; everyone knew he was the smartest and the most capable emperor that had ever existed. The only problem was that he had no accomplishments to show for his greatness. This usually didn't bother people--they just knew he was the best emperor ever--but occasionally people wondered, "If he's so great, shouldn't he have at least a useful accomplishment or two?"

One day, Emperor Obama finally decided, "I should have some accomplishments that match my gloriousness."

That was when two advisors approached the emperor and said, "We can craft for you some magical accomplishments--the greatest the world has ever seen--and all we'll need in exchange is billions of tax dollars."

This seemed like quite a deal to Obama, as spending those billions would only put the empire farther into debt, and debt was just a number on a ledger somewhere and couldn't really hurt anyone. So he gave the advisors their money, and they went to work in a back room in the castle.

After a month, the advisors announced that they were done. Obama rushed to see the accomplishments the advisors had crafted for him. "Are they the greatest accomplishments ever?" he asked.

"They are," the advisors said. "For they are magical accomplishments--which makes them greater than any accomplishments that ever existed before. There's just one thing: They are invisible to racists."

This didn't seem like much of a catch, as Obama didn't care about the opinions of racists. So he ran into the room to see his accomplishments. At first, he couldn't see them, but he knew he wasn't a racist (he was black), so he kept staring until he could make them out. "Oh! These are glorious! Truly befitting someone of my genius!"

Obama then called his council to come see his accomplishments, telling them that they were magical accomplishments racists couldn't see. At first, the council didn't react, but one by one they exclaimed, "What wonderful accomplishments! You are now truly the most accomplished emperor ever!"

So a parade was announced in which Emperor Obama would show off his new accomplishments, and the citizens were warned of their magical nature. Everyone was so excited to see these accomplishments, but when Obama first paraded them out, a hush fell over the crowd. Soon, though, people began to say, "Oh! Yes! I can see them! What great accomplishments! Truly befitting such a smart and capable emperor!"

Everyone cheered, but one little boy started laughing. "Look at him! There's nothing there! The emperor has no accomplishments!"

The crowd went silent. Then everyone started booing--booing the little boy. "He must be a racist!" one person shouted. Another cried out, "He must listen to Fox!" (there was rumored to be a demon in the shape of a fox wandering about the empire spreading lies about the emperor).

So the little boy was taken away and stoned to death for being a racist. Meanwhile, the rest of the citizens continued to cheer on their emperor and his magical accomplishments, and everyone lived happily ever after... Well, the economy was still in shambles, and foreign affairs were a big mess, but everyone was pretty sure that was still the fault of the previous emperor.

THE END