****Uncle "R" at NSA: If you are reading this- It is for entertainment only.****

On election day November 2012, the husband began working on "Plan B", an exit strategy for November 2016, should our nation ultimately resign her former splendor for status as an inconsequential nation. But after seeing where "Plan B" was headed (impending death via bush militia), I concocted "Plan C" which is quite literally just as it sounds.

"Plan B" goes a little something like this…his cousin owns buildable waterfront property on the Indian Ocean since marrying into Tanzanian politics a few years back. It boasts enough acreage for a modest compound. His background as an Army Ranger is utilized for squashing terrorist militants within the nation. He lobbies for a position and title such as Tanzanian Minister of Internal Security. Along with the snazzy business card, his post would provide gilded comforts and protection at the said compound.
"Plan B" sounds very cushe, that is, until a coup happens and Tanzanian family politicians are out of favor with the general populace.
If the political regime relation is ousted then guess who gets a rusty pick-up truck full of armed mercenaries at her doorstep looking to wipe out the entire family for a minuscule reward? Yep. Me. Because the major problem with residing in Africa is that life there is cheap. Dirt cheap. All is fun and games until you’re playing for the wrong team and get executed in your own front yard by a malnourished twelve-year-old.
But my "Plan C" offers an ever-changing view, movable quarters, unlimited free seafood, and nutritious seaweed smoothies for breakfast each morning inside the galley of a beautiful and functional steel-hull decommissioned tugboat…A vessel sturdy enough to sail the seven seas or at least the seas without jihadist pirates trawling for unsuspecting Christians to drown.
While scoping out post-election seaworthy digs appropriate for a family of six, two weimeraners, and ten chickens, I came across this rather amusing description for a well equipped 1941 72′ tugboat that would easily fit the bill:
What do Captain Kirk, Popeye, Captain Hook and Tommy Lee have in common? They are all incredible people. Why? Because they were all in command of ships. You should be in command of a ship. You should buy my friend’s steel 72′ diesel tugboat.

I can offer you the opportunity to be in command of this fully-furnished historic vessel floating in paradise for less than the cost of that efficiency you bought or are thinking of buying after spending three weeks researching it online. You should be ashamed of that condo you spent (or are thinking about spending) your hard earned cash money and time on – especially since it cannot even move. It will not take you across oceans and it will not get you a Goombay Punch in Bullocks Harbour. Not even close muchacho.

I understand you have many options on how to spend your free time. How one chooses to recreate and habitate says a lot about a human being. What I am offering you is the open Atlantic Ocean, fishing, going to islands, breathing salty air at sea, maintaining a diesel engine, drinking rum, drinking grog, drinking cheap beer, drinking expensive beer, drinking the dead sea monkeys floating in the drink that your friend backwashed into, spearfishing anything that moves, endless supply of fish to make into tacos, trapping crabs, getting crabs, a waterfront kitchen, the ability to tow an even larger vessel, the ability to bbq a t-bone steak while motoring across the Gulf Stream at 7 knots, the chance to see whales, the opportunity to catch a square grouper. These are fine things. These are gentlemanly things. They certainly beat sitting in car traffic past a bunch of strip malls in Hialeah or driving a boat in circles in the STD filled cesspool commonly referred to as the Intracoastal or any other Florida waterway. This yacht travels as fast as your Bentley on I-95 in traffic. And you spent over $230k.

The tug would be ideal for our large family and was priced at an affordable $95K…a heck of a lot less than the average Maryland mortgage. But I would need to pimp out my purebred dogs in port and fish full-time to pay for diesel…because this tug burns over a gallon per mile. Expensive, but perhaps a reasonable trade off for unadulterated freedom and a glut of Omega-3.

This next tug is my all-time favorite. It averages two gallons of fuel per hour cruising at seven knots. Perfect for a smaller family:
Then there are"pocket tugs" for you singletons out there on Liberty Island! The American dollar is strong in Canada and the petite 22′ bright orange steel boat pictured above with a wood interior comes in at about $39k USD. Best part? This little tug named "Capt. Crunch" sips gas. It is listed by Dennison Yachts.
Tugs come in steel, wood, fiberglass and composite hull styles, each with pros and cons. I lean steel after being subjected to Jaws on Betamax as a young child by my Aunt Darlene. Because a steel boat just seems less likely to be bitten in half by a 20′ predator like this one caught off the coast of Mexico.
0 0 votes
Article Rating