Modern Day Liberal: We believe too many minorities are being disenfranchised from voting. It’s too hard for many of them to get a photo ID or to register first before voting.

KKK: By ‘minorities’ you mean blacks and Hispanics and stuff, huh? Why, shoot, that’s exactly what we believe! We been tellin’ ya for decades they’s either too stupid or too lazy to vote properly.

Liberal: No, that’s not quite it. We aren’t trying to deny them the vote; we want to make it easier for them to vote.

KKK: ‘Cuz they’s too stupid or lazy to do it properly, right?

Liberal: Oh, no, we’re not saying that at all. We just know these type things are harder for them to do.

KKK: Not seein’ the difference, friend.

Liberal: Well, the main difference is you want to keep them from voting at all, and we want to make it
so easy for them to vote they would never have a reason to miss a single election.

KKK: You ain’t worried they might vote against you?

Liberal: Nope. We want them to vote responsibly, and we
make sure they know what the responsible vote would be. Our ideal goal is to
make the act of voting so easy they can practically let somebody else do it for

KKK: Oh, now I get it. You need their votes to help you win elections, and you want to make sure every one of them gets to cast a ballot, so you’re also making it possible they won’t even need
to personally do it themselves. Ooh, that’s sneaky. I’m impressed. We should
have done that. No matter how we used to tell them how to vote, those uppity ‘minorities’ always voted Republican. They didn’t never vote for a Democrat back when Robert Byrd was one of us. Convincing
them to turn over their voting rights to us sure could have changed everything.

Liberal: Well, you didn’t just have
Republicans working against you then. You also had the whole country swing its
support to the existence of an independent Israel. As soon as that happened
people started disliking anybody who was against Israel. Even Democrats were in
favor of Israel in those days. People didn’t yet know the Palestinians were the
true victims. The Zionists did a good job blinding the simple-minded people of
this country to what a powerful threat the nation of Israel would be to world

KKK: That’s exactly what we think! We hate the Jews too! They’re behind everything! Don’t much care for them Pala-what-nian guys, neither, but as long as they stay over there we don’t fret
any about them. Israel is a pain in the butt, what with all her meddling in politics
and financial matters and such, but those other guys don’t do nothing worth
worryin’ about. They don’t manufacture anything, and they don’t mind herding
goats or whatever in nothing but sand. They ain’t no threat to our jobs or
businesses. Why, they can have the whole danged Mideast for all we care.

Liberal: That’s one of our goals. "Palestine for Palestinians" pretty much means Israel has to go, and we’ve already convinced many Americans to think the same thing. Hell, we’ve even managed to get most
Jews to go along with the idea!

KKK: Listen, brother, you and us ain’t
all that different. We should join together. There ain’t nothing you believe in
you couldn’t say while wearin’ one of our white hoods.

Liberal: That’s just it. We
don’t need the hoods. We can boldly state all our beliefs in such a way we
don’t need to cover our faces.

KKK: Don’t know about that part. Seems
to me some things are so despicable anybody with even a tiny bit of decency in
him would at least feel enough shame to hide his face.

Liberal: That might be true
if we were trying to instill fear. No, we are making them want our philosophy.
We aren’t forcing them to accept our control over them. They are begging to give it to us!

KKK: Shoowee! I get it now. I have to
admit I sure do like the way you phrase things. You guys are so smooth you
really could sell them on anything. Shoot fire, I bet you could even get them
to vote themselves back into slavery. It’s plum amazing what you can get people
to do if you just phrase things the right way.

Liberal: Well, you know
what they say, "You catch more flies with honey than vinegar." We just cover
our words with honey. People hear what they want to hear, and as long as we
keep coating our language with enough honey they won’t look too closely at our
actions. All we have to do is promise them the rainbow they’ve been seeking
will be within reach in five years, if only they just vote for us now, and by
golly it works. They keep voting the way we want, and we keep moving the
rainbow back another five years.

KKK: Don’t you worry they’ll catch on
to that trick?

Liberal: We used to, but after the first
thirty or forty years we figured out most people don’t remember promises even two
years later. On the few occasions when anybody ever has asked about a promise not
yet reached, we just blame it all on our enemies – namely conservatives and
Republicans. Never fails!

KKK: I like what you’re saying, but you’re
starting to sound like them commies. Five year plans and blaming your enemies
is pretty much how they do things.

Liberal: Where do you think
we got the idea? We get along with them just fine.

KKK: Seriously? They got a bad habit of
talking people into going along with them until they get into power. As soon as
that happens they kill off or imprison the ones who helped them. You best watch
out; you might end up in one of them goo-logs.

Liberal: We don’t worry
about gulags. We’re working for the same thing: a world of peace where the rich
people have no more control. As soon as that’s achieved there won’t be a need
for gulags anymore.

KKK: I ain’t so sure. The Rooskies
started this whole commie thing in 1922, and no country using their ideas since
then has ever gotten rid of its prisons. I think you might be putting too much
trust in their honey-coated words.

Liberal: You don’t get it.
We have the same goals, but we don’t have the same methods. We are going to
show them they don’t need to resort to violence to get what we both want. They
don’t know it, but they are going to end up doing things our way.

KKK: Yeah, I believe I heard the
commies have come up with a name for people who think that way. They call them
useful idiots. I guess this is where we part ways. I wish you luck in getting
the things we all want as far as it concerns the other races, specially the stuff about keeping people separated into their own cultures, but I won’t be
joining you in the useful idiot department. I prefer to remain a useless one.

PS. Life to America!

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